drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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