the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize