"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
