she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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