i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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