One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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