Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
