she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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