This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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