:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
