hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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