He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
