Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
