I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
