my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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