It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.