So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
