I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking