I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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