dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"