my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.