cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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