I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
