put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
