oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize