Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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