I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
