Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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