I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
