Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
