Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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