im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
