i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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