Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
