I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
