omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
