As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
BRING THE BAGELS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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