the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
