kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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