remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
