he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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