Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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