I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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