do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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