rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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