accomplished twins. life is a go
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
