I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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