guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
