First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
