her vagine was all disorganized.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
