Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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