I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
