what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
