and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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