I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's shark week go big or go home
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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