I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
