Need sex. Gaining weight.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
