Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
