im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
