umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
