I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
