question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
