There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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