everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
