is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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