We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize