you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
