The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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