the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
