i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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