Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
