I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
