I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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