i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
