Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
