Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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