Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
