you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
