She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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