I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
