ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
