I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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