i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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