I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
