I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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