he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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